Monday, 30 March 2015

Being an Introvert

Introvert definition –
A shy, reticent person
A person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings than with external things.

I am an introvert. I have been for a very long time and up until recently I haven’t actually known what to call myself. People have always told me that I am simply shy, and that as I get older I will grow out of it. But I’m not just shy. I hate talking to people. Not all people, just people I’ve not known for very long. When I started at my new school, I sat on my own for the first three weeks because I was too terrified to actually speak to anyone. It wasn’t a nice feeling. I spent these weeks eating alone and lying to my parents to say that I had made some friends and that they were really nice. Yeah … that’s probably also due to the fact that I likely also suffer from social anxiety too … so … yay!

But being an introvert, for me anyway, is strange because I do prefer to be mostly inward with the things that I do. I prefer to sit down and write or read, rather than going to a house party and getting “hammered”. I don’t even like alcohol so what’d be the point anyhow! I prefer sitting alone and allowing my thoughts to take over and imagine far off places, to sitting in a group of people I don’t really want to be friends with.

Yet, I have selected the one career that truly puts me out there; that shows off my life to the world and I love it! What does that make me? I hate doing a lot of things, talking to people I don’t know or answering the phone. These things terrify me and I find myself hyperventilating at times. However, I adore stepping onto the stage and becoming a character; something different.

Bet that sounds strange to people who don’t know me, but I really am like that. If I don’t spend put on an act and become a different person then I probably would have a serious anxiety attack when on stage and I’d like crawl of stage and then cry for millions of years! I’m not over exaggerating, I’d probably do that but I am not going to actually attempt it next time I perform because … well I’d look a bit stupid, wouldn’t I!

Maybe then, I could battle this whole being an introvert thing by becoming a character. That sounds odd, doesn’t it! Let me explain. If I wanted to battle the introvertiness inside me so that I can be confident with strangers and stuff, then I could create a character that is me but more confident and outgoing and sociable. I would use this character so much that hopefully some of the traits could pour into my own society and then I would be more confident and outgoing and sociable and stuff!

That might not work though, I do have social anxiety! Who knows, if it did then I would be very happy. If it did not, then there are other options that I could probably take … may be … may be not … Who knows; I’m awkward like that.

Anyway, that is what it is like for me to be an introvert.  Went a little bit off topic but that is what I do.
 This is probably going to be the last blog of March, so goodbye March. Hello to April. Happy Easter!


Book total of 2015 - 17