Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Something Just Dawned On Me

So something just dawned on me .......................

As some people know I'm 17 and I'm in the middle of sixth form. And this holiday has mainly consisted of me revising and doing coursework and throwing the odd bit of writing and reading and other stuff in. But mainly my life has been filled with work. But who could blame me really I mean I am in the middle of my A-Levels. And then something dawned on me, I am in the middle of my A-levels. I'm about to start year 13. In a years time I, hopefully, will be about to start university. I will be moving out to live somewhere else; WHAT THE HELL! How is that even possible. It feels like I only just left Primary School and now I'm about to start Uni. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This all started mainly when my prospectuses started to arrive. It was cool, exciting, to be able to start looking at what could be my future. For people who don't know I'm in the middle of doing the BTEC Extended Diploma in Musical Theatre (the equivalent to three A-Levels) and English Literature and Geography. So basically I'm doing five A-Levels which is what I would been doing if I'd stayed at my old school and just done straight academic stuff (does theatre studies class as an academic subject?). I know I'm mad for doing that many, but blame my parents they want me to have a back up plan. I want to go into musical theatre and that gives me two higher education routes: drama school or uni. So my prospectuses have been arriving both and I got a but load which if you follow on instagram you would have seen a few weeks ago because I uploaded a photo of some of them. This cued a mildly scary moment of me realising that I will found where I'm going next year by this time next year and that is actually quite scary.

Also as some people it was A-level results day. Now my school is a bit weird. Not many people do their A-S' in year 12 unless they are going to drop the subject because most people to retake so it's better for people to have longer to learn the subject and take them in year 13. Hence why I didn't get any results then. But many of my friends from my old school did and a girl I go dancing with did. I've known her for years and she is the year above and also one of the smartest people that I've ever met. She sent me a text to tell me that she got three As and two A* or was it the other way around? But anyway she beat what she needed to get her unconditional offer to the uni that she wanted to go to. She deserves all that but it made realise that I need to work my arse off (mind my French) in order to ensure that I get high grades and that just sort of freaked me out. A lot.

And finally I just finished my UCAS (expect for the final uni choices) and that freaked me out today. Basically I've spent the day realising that this year is going to be the most important year of my academic life (so far) and I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I'll have to juggle exams and auditions and everything it's going to be hard.

I don't want to grow up. I mean I do but I don't. Peter Pan if you can me, please take me to never land for a few days so I can sort out of my life. Please? I really need it.

It doesn't help that the only thing that has been on my telly for the past few days is youtube with loads of 'What to take to uni' and 'Uni haul' videos so that I can start saving a bit and deciding what I actually to get and trying to get a bit of stuff off of my parents and grandparents and everything. I just sort need to know what I need to get for next year because when you think it logically my exams are in May/June time. That's what ... *counts on fingers* nine months away. I don't have long at all. And once those exams are done then there is nothing that I can do to help me get my grades. It's rather scary really. As soon as it gets to like Halloween time I will definitely start freaking out. So I know that I need to start preparing now with revision and coursework and breathing techniques. It literally feels like I'm preparing to have a child. It's the same amount of time and I suppose it's similar in a way because it does determine the rest of my life. I'm thinking too deeply about this.

Sorry about this weird, ranty post. As people can see I'm going through a tiny little crisis. Can't really call it a quarter life crisis because I'm only 17 so is what an eighth life crisis? What? Ugh who knows. I apologise though. This is a really random post that is really waffely and I needed to get this off my chest before my body decided to spontaneously combust or just implode on itself randomly.

There will probably be a few more of these styled posts coming up probably for the next year or so whilst I panic about my future and everything. So yeah, that's me done.

Bye guys.

Book Total of 2015 - 46