Friday, 26 February 2016

How to Annoy Readers

Being a reader is not easy, despite what many people will believe. We have to face many hardships in our day to day lives. The emotional trauma that comes with the premature death of a beloved character. The ever present danger of a papercut. The pain of our arch nemesis; spoilers.
With each book that we read, the more pain we feel even though we love to read and throw ourselves into these amazing books. But something adds to our pain. Well, really I should say someone. Non-readers.

I understand that people don't read and that people don't like books or whatever but that doesn't mean that they have to be assholes about it all. So any non-readers reading this little titbit, here is some advice for you.

Never interrupt; could result in possible death.
When you see a reader who is fully engrossed in a book, shoulders hunched and eyes frantically scanning the pages, do not interact because you will regret it. They will find a way to hurt you, most likely hitting you with said book that they are reading. There are a few reasons for you to interrupt them. Such as: you are dying, they are dying, there is a fire/earthquake/tsunami or some other natural disaster, there all time favourite celebrity is offering to marry them. Okay, maybe there are a few other reasons that you can interrupt them but be careful when doing so. Perhaps come with a piece offering?

Do not compare their books.
Many times I have been reading a book and someone comes up to me, asking what I'm reading. Obviously, you have broken one of the rules already but we're going to ignore that. Say I was reading Fangirl like Rainbow Rowell. Now this person would ask what it was about and I'd willingly tell them. Then they say the fatal thing: 'oh like Fault in Our Stars.' Cue scream. No not like The Fault in our Stars!
Do not compare a book to another book especially if you have only seen the awful film adaptation!

Never damage their books. 
If you are lucky enough to be trusted by a reader that they lend you one of their precious books. If you are graced with that then take care of their book or else they will kill you. I cannot tell you how many times I have been given back a book that has a creased spin, tattered corners and water damaged pages. My poor baby!

Do not complain about their reading.
I get that people hate reading. But that doesn't mean that you have to complain about their reading. We don't hate you for obsessing over football or basketball or swimming. So please don't hate us for the thing that we adore. Don't say things like: how can you read that, it looks so boring. Or why don't you go outside and actually live your life. Why don't you leave us alone? We like to read, so what? You like to play football which is boring to us! So do not complain about their reading.

Be careful around their favourite book.
I have had this experience many times. People think that just because a book is a well known film then you know that book because you like the film. It's okay. I get that everyone watches films but please be careful when you say things. I won't judge you but please be careful.
An example:
People know that my favourite book is The Hobbit, by J.R.R Tolkien, if not where the hell have you been? This is a fairly well known book considering that it is a classic and it has recently had three films made out of it. Basically everyone on this planet has heard of it.
I was laughing the other day and saying how I have Hobbit Hair maybe I should go and dress up like Bilbo Baggins.
Then someone, who had all three films in the cinemas, said 'who the f*** is that?'
Really? How can you not know who Bilbo Baggins is? I mean it's not like I said Thranduil or Tom Bombadil. Then once I told them who it was, they replied with 'oh I only watched it for the fit lads. Thought it was a bit boring really. Only good bit was the romance between that elf and dwarf.'
Cue screaming. People should know what I mean when I am saying this, considering that that isn't even supposed to happen but I've accepted it. But still. Never say that the film adaptation of someone's favourite book (that may also be one of their favourite film series) boring.

Just be careful. You might not like what we do, or how much time we read. You might find reading boring. But remember this, don't ever offend their favourite book because you will regret it.

Book Total of 2016 - 14